This is the fifth post in the Steubenville Reflection Series featured on Our Stories Untold the week of March 24-29. We had two hopeful posts come in from previous Our Stories Untold contributors. I’ve featured them together as their similar call for positivism and hopefulness during a time of frustration ring true. — editor Rachel Halder

Allison Yoder is a 2010 graduate of Goshen College where she majored in Social Work and minored in Women’s Studies. She is currently living in Portland, OR, while getting her Master’s degree in Social Work at Portland State University. She also wrote “A flip-side to Mennonite nonviolence: Passive communication & abuse” for Our Stories Untold.

Finding hope and empathy through Steubenville by Allison Yoder

So many emotions come up each time I read more about Steubenville: anger, horror, disgust, sadness, and yes, hope. Hope because I see women and men all over the country screaming loudly in outrage for this young woman and the way she has been blamed for the violence enacted against her. In right-winged, extremist rhetoric also comes the backlash. I am thankful for the all of the voices that are participating in the conversation. Let’s not let this incredibly important moment in time pass us by without making our voices loud.

Although this may be nothing new to many folks, I also find hopefulness in naming that rape is a learned behavior; therefore, I believe it can be unlearned. I do not believe that anyone is born with the ability or desire to sexually assault or be violent toward another person. Some people find it easy to blame mental illness, especially personality disorders, and to that I want to explain that personality disorders are generally formed from unhealthy coping skills, often related to some form of trauma or lack of healthy attachment (attachment fosters skills in empathy) throughout their lives.

Therefore, I believe that this conversation about preventing sexual assault needs to also include and acknowledge that all forms of trauma and violence are included in the intersectionality that exists to create space for sexual violence to occur.

While that may be my personal rant about how mental illness gets construed in these conversations, I also recognize and need to name that mental illness was not a part of the Steubenville case. It was boys who had learned that it is ok to exert their own power in a sexually violent way. My anger gets triggered in knowing that these boys seemed genuinely surprised that they would be held personally responsible for their actions.

Empathy is big part of what is missing here. Empathy, being able to see from another person’s perspective, is not a skill we readily and regularly teach our young boys. We, as individuals and as members of society, teach young men to be individuals, to think for themselves, to be #1. And the problem in that is it does not foster an awareness of how to be relational and value other human beings. Thank goodness these boys got caught as young people. Now, hopefully, they won’t go on to be repeat offenders as most people who sexually abuse others do.

Awareness is growing, folks. I can feel it. One place I am finding hope is in a fellow MSW intern, a male, who is speaking openly with youth at the high school we work out about his own outrage at the sexual violence that happens frequently against women. He has begun to attend health classes throughout the school to tell stories about how sexual violence has impacted him and women in his own life. I see this as a perfect place to start making change, and I am excited to see the shift happened at a cultural level among the youth at my school.

Heidi Fischer is a recent graduate of Fresno Pacific Biblical Seminary with a MA in Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling. She already wrote “The Unusual Silence,” a piece focused on the church’s responsibility to have a loud voice on the topic of sexualized violence.

Heidi is a graduate of Fresno Pacific Biblical Seminary with a MA in Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling. You can see her previous contribution about the church’s responsibility to discuss sexualized violence here.

If We Do Nothing, Nothing Will Change by Heidi Fischer

I don’t know anyone involved in the Steubenville case that has sped across our TV and computer screens.  Yet, I do know what it is like to sit with people who have the courage to share deep painful accounts of sexual abuse. I can never imagine replying with: “You are such a slut! You deserved it! I can’t believe you are trying to say you didn’t want it.” The fact that people are saying such things in the face of this sad case, and that these reactions are nothing new, is revolting.

Still people don’t understand that “no, means no—that you CANNOT give consent while under the influence and that a victim is not responsible for the actions of others.  Still.

Where is the compassion for this particular victim, and all other victims? Society is still not aware that living through such an awful experience brings on long-lasting negative effects. The list of possible mental and physical effects is very long and very serious; as you can see from this list on RAINN.org it ranges from depression, PTSD, to sexually transmitted diseases, and more.

Beyond the physical and mental aspects are risks just as devastating, including difficulties like: potential loss of the trust and support of your community, financial burdens (therapy, medical expenses, work absence), and academic concerns. Yet we still live in a society where services and care for those abused is unbelievably inadequate.

In light of such an awful news story and equally awful responses, it is possible to lose hope. Yet, each person has the power to bring about change; each voice is important. What can you do to transform society and in what way can you support survivors? Can you be the person who responds to a friend: “I believe you, I’m so sorry! Is there any way I can support you?” Can you find the courage to respond to victim blaming when you hear it? Can you implant into your brain that unless you have informed consent to have sexual contact with another adult, you are assaulting them, and that assault is bad? Can you stop abuse when you see it? Can you lobby the government to protect its people?

If we keep on struggling with these questions, society will transform.

If we do nothing, nothing will change. And all around us are cries for change.