by Sylvia Klauser

Sylvia Klauser is theologian, ethicist, chaplain and writer. She is ordained with the Southern Conference of Mennonite Churches in Germany, but her credentials are still at WDC of MCUSA. She currently works as Chief of Clinical Ethics at a Catholic Healthcare System in Northwest Germany and blogs here.

This is the second post in the Steubenville Reflection Series featured on Our Stories Untold the week of March 24-29. Upon reflection of the events that happened in Steubenville, Ohio, Sylvia Klauser wrote the following open letter to the youth of her churches–and their parents. This is a shortened version of the letter, which you can see in full on Klauser’s blog:

The discussion around the Steubenville rape case interests and disgusts me. As a former pastor of two Mennonite churches in the USA (CA and TX) and one in Germany (Stuttgart), the face of you, my young men, keep popping up. I think about your parents and guardians, with whom I discussed Anabaptist sexual ethic – or the lack thereof, or rather, the implicitly, unspoken version of it. I confuse myself writing this, and am pained to know how confusing it is for you to grow up in relative sexual obscurity, still. My heart is shattered for these young kids  in Steubenville, who have had no other way than force to express their growing sexual maturity.

As ethicist and theologian, as a single woman and chaplain, I must reflect deeply about all human issues. I share with you these thoughts in no particular order, addressed to all of us.

1. Rape is not about sexuality

Rape is about power over another person, not about sex. The Steubenville video shows  the childish boasting about a helpless person. This was not about sex but about enforcing power-over another person. This need to excise power extends out of the sexual realm into church, society – at large and politics. When you are unable to use your words, you will use force. Speak up.

2. Sex is more than intercourse

I’m sick and tired of you all telling me that we “waited till marriage.” With what exactly did you wait, if you did everything in the sex book except for intercourse? The church has conveniently reduced sexual activity to intercourse, so we can better measure the rightness of our perfection. That is a load of crap, and does unspeakable disservice to all of us. Sex already happens when you think about your neighbor’s wife, not just when you have tryst with her – with or without her consent.

3. The church doesn’t talk about sex – honestly

Honestly, we don’t talk about sex. If we do, we don’t talk about sex honestly. Why this is so, is beyond me. I want you to be honest in your actions, your words, your behaviors – and your choices. Of course, sex is best with the person you love, but if you can’t wait for that time, at least be honest about it – and be safe – for yourself and safety of  another person.

4. Sexual trespassing is the foreplay to rape

I’m convinced, more people have experienced sexual trespassing across their personal boundaries than those who have been rape. But, we don’t talk about that either. Sexual trespassing happens when someone invades your space – with words, jokes, actions, even with silent coercion. Such behavior is particularly dangerous for smaller kids who have not yet learned what appropriate behavior towards them is. You need to speak up when you’re trespassed against.

5. Do not do to others….

Would you want to be raped? Would you want your personal boundaries violated? Would you want to appear on YouTube when you’re dead drunk or otherwise incapacitated, while someone makes fun of you? Would you want to experience violence of any kind yourself? If you answered with NO, well then, don’t do to others….

6. What would your grandmother say if she found out? (reverse categorical Imperative)

This is not a moralistic, Freudian question about the über-ich. This is a question about the warped understanding of autonomy in our 21^st century society: a hedonistic, individualistic, and self-centered autonomy where I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whomever I want to do it, regardless of consequences. Kant said to act in such a way that what you want to happen for yourself, could potentially become law for everyone. Inverting his argument, I ask you: would have to tell your grandmother about your actions if you did something that you don’t want to come to light, or would you rather die of shame than tell her?

Silent shame is the fertilizer for continued rape and sexual violence against women (and men). Young man, speak up about rape and stop using force in sexual relationships.

Sylvia Klauser, Cologne, Germany